When we are in mourning, it can feel as if we cannot catch our breath, almost drowning in our emotions. And while that is a natural way to feel, wobbling from laughter to sorrow—there is such a thing as too much.
But how do you know when it’s too much when grief always feels like that? When do you need to seek help? How do you recognize the signs of your mental health worsening, which can occasionally turn into what is known as complicated grief?
If you feel lost, we hope to be able to shine a small light in the darkness to guide you in this article.
What is Complicated Grief or Complicated Grief Disorder?
Everyone who has lost someone they loved has grieved. While there’s no one way to grieve and generally no set time to ‘get over it,’ everyone goes through anger, denial, bargaining, depression, and eventually acceptance.
However, for some of us, we are completely ‘stuck’ in grief, unable to move on toward acceptance, and the feelings can become so overwhelming that we find ourselves unable to make healthy choices for ourselves, which begins affecting our physical and mental health.
Most people will adapt to their difficult loss and, as time passes, make adjustments to their new reality, integrating their grief into their ongoing life and adapting to their new reality. Thoughts of their deceased loved one are still there and accessible, but they no longer dominate the mind day and night, and eventually, the sadness and yearning fade. It will remain, but the intensity tends to be less.
Someone with Complicated Grief or Prolonged Grief disorder may find themselves unable to experience any of the above, living in a painful loop of mourning that feels as if it never ends.
What Are The Symptoms of Complicated Grief?
In the first months after a loss, the symptoms of complicated grief feel no different from regular mourning. However, as weeks and months pass, if the grief does not begin to relent or it seems to intensify, you may be experiencing Complicated Grief. Some of the symptoms may be:
- Unable to stop thinking about the departed person, bordering on obsession expressed through speech or behavior
- Deep, unbearable sadness that never lifts or never seems to cease
- Despair and pessimistic expressions of gloom that do not seem to let up
- Irritability and hair-trigger temper that makes it difficult to communicate
- Unable to sleep probably, such as insomnia, sleeping too much, or sleeping at odd hours
- Unable to, or lack of taking care of personal grooming, hygiene, and appearance
- Refusal or inability to leave the house
- Persistent anger and bitterness toward the world
- Withdrawal from social interactions, no longer texting or emailing, and no sign of returning to activities once enjoyed
- Denial or defensiveness when asked about their grief or inquiries on how they are doing
- If any pre-existing mental health conditions exist (depression, PTSD, anxiety, substance abuse, bipolar, etc), they appear to be worsening
- Inability to manage daily affairs in various contexts, such as ensuring they get food, pay bills, do laundry, work, school, parental duties, and so on.
- Reckless, impulsive, and potentially self-destructive behaviors
- Talk of self-harm or thoughts and comments of suicide or actual suicide attempts
When to Seek Help
If you are currently experiencing any of the symptoms above, it is time to seek help and active intervention. You do not deserve nor need to suffer the symptoms of prolonged grief alone. If your loved ones support you, please seek a Mental Health treatment professional. Your loved ones can only do so much to properly understand or offer the proper assistance if they are not mental health professionals.
Seeking help will not make you forget your loved one or make the pain and sense of loss disappear completely. However, treatment for complicated grief will help you find resolution and acceptance and teach you ways to cope with your loss as you continue to honor the memories of your departed loved one.
Grief is such a complex emotion to experience; reaching out to friends, family, and professionals is nothing to be ashamed of. Please don’t hesitate any longer and contact those who can help.